Learning to Manage Myself

Yesterday was a hard day. I was sick most of the day, fighting off a migraine, which finally left while I was in a meeting in the late afternoon, as a front went through and the barometric pressure gave me a break. I had to find someone to do my K-II (after lunch clean up at the dining hall), which was easy, except on my pride.

I do not like being sick one bit, and the migraine is like a scary beast which reaches its hands out of the sky and squeezes my head and stomach. It becomes difficult to do anything but pay attention to it! For a person who struggles with focus, it's a good teacher, but can be a fierce one. I was almost giddy when it went away, (and definitely shaky), and so grateful. I had been blaming the illness on a cheap beer I had the night before, because it had the same symptoms as a hangover, and I felt life was unfair. I'd only had one cheap beer! In retrospect, I was vulnerable because I was dehydrated, and then the Barometric Pressure Monster (BPM) had a chance to whop me, so it did.

I still love the movie "Princess Mononoke," which I treated myself to watching, again, this time in English. There's a scene at the end, where the Forest God, or Deer God, is searching for its head, and is like a large heavy storm cloud over the forest, with tornado arms reaching down. It's a very powerful image for someone who still occasionally dreams about tornadoes. I've felt that power, intimately, in my core. And am not convinced that the BPM isn't a symptom, somehow, of the Deer God who's lost his head. But really, it's me who has to pay attention to my own head.

much love,
Kelpie